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Across The Fence A rollercoaster ride called life I've never really been fond of roller coasters. Even though I love to go really, really fast, heights frighten me and the sensation of floating in mid-air is unnerving.
The exhilaration that accompanies a momentary sense of weightlessness is negated by the sensation that my stomach is hovering somewhere in the middle of my throat. But for the last few weeks it feels like I've been on an unending roller coaster ride, propelled along at breakneck speed through a series of ups, downs, twists, spirals and turns well beyond my control. Sometimes my hope of survival hinges on a prayer, and the brief respite of closing my eyes and just holding on when things are moving too fast. About seven weeks ago, Zee and I returned from a wonderful trip to Germany and Austria. Less than a week later, I followed him and his brother back into the classroom. They headed west toward Tascosa High School, and I drove south to West Texas A&M University. My nerves were far worse than Zee's. Entering his first year of high school, he had the familiarity of friends and the pseudo-security of his older brother's presence on campus. I, on the other hand, hadn't really been in school for more than two decades. There were no familiar faces or routines, just a thousand and one questions rocketing through my brain. Could I handle the assignments? Were my study skills and memory still intact? How was I going to balance my own work with school, house, and two teenage boys? How would the boys cope with me being gone at least two nights a week? Would they be able to feed themselves, do their homework and take care of their chores without supervision? Let me clarify a few things. First, I'm a bit of a control freak. I like having a basic plan in place, and I like for things to work smoothly. Surprises don't usually make me happy. I've been called a perfectionist, an overachiever and a workaholic, and those descriptions weren't intended as compliments. Zee and his brother, DJ, are good boys for the most part. But that inherent goodness that I see as their devoted grandmother in no way negates the fact that they still are boys, and teenage boys at that. Adolescents who have the most stable home life, the most attentive parents in conventional family, and who have a host of social skills and experiences to draw from still may have in their teen years. It's a time when the boundaries are strained, personal autonomy is demanded, fledgling wings of independence are tested, rules are questioned and curfews are broken. Zee, who has a sharp analytical mind, sometimes reminds me too much of myself. He questions everything, and his logic defies the limits of rationality and reason. More often than not, he carefully rearranges the fact to support his personal point of view and to justify whatever actions he's taken that are in direct conflict with my instructions. He completely ignores the basics of cause and effect, and adeptly passes on the blame for his actions and their outcomes. He'll make a great politician someday. In the meantime, though, I wish he'd channel his argumentative talent into something constructive, like joining Ann Shofner's debate team. His brother, a little older and a shade smoother, has developed his own version of parental logic. For example, using his phone after lights out and violating the household rules should not result in loss of his phone for a period of time. Why? Because, according to him, the whole reason why he has the phone is so that I can stay in touch with him. If I take it away, then how will I be able to do that? He's also quick to use the hugs, the grins, and the brown in his eyes sometimes runs down toward his nose. Neither our household nor our family fit the definition of conventional. As a middle-aged grandmother, I'm in the unusual position of being a full-time, single parent. Boys rapidly evolving into young men look to me for guidance and instruction on everything from how to shave, to girls, how to buy a vehicle and what they might want to be when they grow up. Instead of focusing on the possibilities of retirement, I'm embarking on a new and exciting career path of my own. Time that might have been spent traveling with friends, is dedicated to booster club meetings and various types of ball games. Hours that I want to engage in research for my classes are often relegated to tutoring DJ in Spanish. So, I'm on a roller coaster, riding the waves of being a single parent/grandparent, full-time student, breadwinner, cook, chauffeur, cheerleader, disciplinarian, and a host of other duties and responsibilities that are too numerous to list. Some days, waves of anxiety wash over me as my coaster-car dips and dives and flies around the turns. And then there are other days, when the sound of healthy, laughing boys reminds me to breathe, to relax and to enjoy the thrilling ride that is the marvelous life we share. Kathie Greer: Columnist and consultant for the Amarillo Independent. She can be reached at kathie@amarilloindy.com. E-mail
comments about this story Posted: Oct. 9, 2008 |
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